my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
