I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
