Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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