so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
