dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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