She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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