That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
