i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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