More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
