Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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