Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
