I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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