I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
