But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
