I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
