I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This baby is an asshole
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
