Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
