I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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