If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And then he peed in my hair
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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