he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
