why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
