We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
