I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
