hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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