so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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