I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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