Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
