I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
