Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
