You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
