i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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