she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
