Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
