I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
