sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
