she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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