you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
