i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
