I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
MIDGETS
????
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
