I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
