I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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