Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
