Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize