I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
