I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
