it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
