Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
