had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
