I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
