Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
