just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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