guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
