we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
