I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
